


We Don't Have Forever

by gothamnight



Category: Batman - All Media Types, DCU (Comics)
Genre: Age Swap, Angst with a Happy Ending, Eventual Smut, Fluff, Jason dies as Robin but we all know that and comes back as Red Hood, M/M, Pining, baby crushes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-08
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-24 11:03:09
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17703155
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gothamnight/pseuds/gothamnight
Summary: Robin has a crush on Red Robin. Capital C. Too bad Jason dies before Tim can even respond to his confession.Or, in which Jason becomes the third Robin after Tim and falls hard.





	1. Year One

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is mostly just scenes from their relationship over the years (8 years in total, with each chapter having a year difference between them)!
> 
> While Jason and Tim's ages change (jason is 14 and tim is 17 in ch1), everyone else's age stays the same

Tim Drake was Robin.

Correction, Tim Drake was Red Robin. He _used_ to be Robin.

He used to be the guy that Jason has seen so many times during the nights as he walked down the streets. He was sure pretty much everyone who lived in Gotham has at least seen Batman and Robin once. Especially Robin, you could spot the bright colors from miles away.

Jason’s seen Robin several times, swinging through the night next to Batman between the heavy buildings of Gotham like he was flying. He’s seen him jump from building to building like he got some fucking wings on his back.

He wasn’t exactly a fanboy, not like those other kids he’s seen walk around with their Robin merch, scarves wrapped around their neck in the bright red green yellow colors, and the Robin patches their moms probably stitched onto their shirts.

Jason thought meeting Red Robin for the first time would be easy. He was just… just his predecessor right? He wasn’t even the _first_ Robin. He was just some other kid like Jason, another child that Bruce Wayne had picked up along his crusade and dressed in those boots, a domino mask, and a yellow cape that got in Jason’s way several times during his training.

He had met Dick before too, the first Robin, that now went by Nightwing in Blüdhaven. Dick had been overly affectionate with Jason, a bit too much for Jason’s liking. But he was all right and Jason dealt with their first meeting pretty well.

Jason thought meeting Red Robin would be the same or even easier. He had been wrong.

Meeting Red Robin wasn’t easy. It was less because he used to be Robin and more because he was _Tim Drake._

"You must be Jason," Tim said with a smile and gave Jason his hand. "Nice to meet you."

Jason blinked and took Tim’s hand to shake it. Tim Drake was beautiful. He was beautiful in a way that Dick wasn’t. The first Robin was handsome in all the right ways, made heads turn around in mask and out of mask, women and men alike. 

The second Robin was beautiful in a way that was mesmerizing to not everyone but to _Jason._ He wasn’t too touchy like Dick at first either, he was reserved but his smile was still genuine. And it was a _really_ pretty smile.

"Uh…" Tim cleared his throat.

Jason noticed he was still holding the other male’s hand and quickly let go. "Yeah. Likewise," he said.

Tim let out a light chuckle. _Damn it._ Having a crush on your predecessor was _not_ a good idea.

"You’re back, huh?" Jason asked. He awkwardly got up from his chair and to his disappointment, he was still way shorter than Tim. Of course, he was due to their age difference but Tim wasn’t exactly tall, he had hoped they would be almost the same height. Jason at least didn’t have to look up to him much like he had to with Dick.

"Yeah," Tim said, "sorry we only got to meet now. Dick told me a lot about you already."

"Nah, it’s fine. You were busy." Tim had been gone with the Teen Titans that took way longer than he had expected. Jason wasn’t quite sure what it was about but he heard aliens, space, and people from the future were involved. It sounded crazy.

Being Robin was one thing, knowing that maybe one day you’ll be swept into all the other intergalactic stuff was another.

"So… You’re doing your homework?" Tim glanced at Jason’s desk where his pens were cluttered along with the many school books and his notes.

Jason was embarrassed Tim saw him like this, so messy, and his handwriting was even worse. He was sure someone as pretty like Tim didn’t have such messy handwriting. He quickly grabbed the pens and shoved them all to one pile, closed his books and stacked them to make it look somehow more presentable for the former Robin.

"Yeah, you know Bruce. I gotta stay up to date with all school work or Robin’s not allowed to go out anymore," Jason said and Tim laughed.

"God, I remember that clearly," he said. "I’m so behind my schoolwork too."

Right, the second Robin wasn’t even finished with school yet. The age difference between them wasn’t that huge. Maybe he had a chance… _Stop_.

"Are you… back?" Jason asked. "I mean, are you staying?"

Tim cocked his head. "That okay for you?"

" _Okay_? That’s. Cool. That’s more than okay," Jason blurted out. "I mean, yeah, whatever."

He was acting like a fool.

"Good." Tim ran his hand through his short hair. "It’s pretty late, so I don’t want to bother you anymore—"

"You’re not bothering me!" Jason shouted.

Tim smiled. "I don’t think Bruce will appreciate me stopping you from doing your homework after patrol."

"Fuck Bruce, he’s not even home yet."

Tim laughed. "’Fuck Bruce’? You haven’t even been in the game that long." He didn’t seem like he minded it though.

Jason blushed. "I’m just saying. You can, er, sit down if you want." He shoved the chair back so Tim could sit down. The older male hesitated for a short while before he sat down. Jason eyed him.

He was wearing civilian clothes, just jeans, and a red sweater. He looked like a normal guy, very much unlike the first Robin. When you looked at Tim, you wouldn’t expect he was the second Robin and the leader of the Teen Titans. You wouldn’t expect he just came home from a two months long mission that pretty much ended in a whole space opera of fights and probably some time-traveling.

Tim seemed like nothing special. It sounded harsh, but it was true. But for Jason, he was special, even though he barely knew that guy.

"Don’t you want to sit down too?" Tim asked and Jason sat down on his bed. Tim’s chair was turned to him and he smiled at Jason. It made him a little bit uneasy.

"So… You stole the Batmobile’s wheels?" There was a hint of amusement in Tim’s voice.

Jason shrugged. "They were worth a lot. It’s not like _you_ did. That was impressive." Knowing Batman and Robin’s identity since he was a little kid and then just one day basically knocking on Batman’s door and demanding to make him Robin? It sounded crazy and when he heard about it, Jason hadn’t believed it at first.

"Did Bruce or Dick tell you about it?" Tim asked.

"Dick." How that guy preferred to be called 'Dick' instead of 'Richard' was still beyond him. "He talked a lot."

"He tends to do that."

"He also told me you weren’t close at first," Jason said. Tim sighed.

"He was angry all the time at me and Bruce when I stepped up and became Robin," Tim said. "We weren’t exactly close until recently."

Jason made a face. "He told me. He said he feels bad for it and I guess it’s kind of why he’s like _that_ to me. To make up for it I think."

"Trying to be a good older brother and all that?" Tim snickered. "I’m sure he’s going to want us to hang out together and have movie nights. Family bonding time."

Family bonding time. It’s something Jason had only heard of, never known himself. He wasn’t sure how to feel it. He didn’t feel like family with them, all of this was pretty much new to him. Bruce hadn’t even let him on patrol until a week ago and even then only a few times a week and never for too long.

Jason spent most of his time training in the Batcave, wishing to one day be able to get out of there for real and fly alongside the masked hero through the night without having to go home before the real fun started.

"You think so?" Jason asked.

"He’s in Blüdhaven for most of the time, but who knows?"

"And you?"

Tim hesitated. "I’m just here to finish High School, there are only a few months left."

Jason knew the implications of those words. He’d probably be in California with the Teen Titans again or move out. Before Jason became Robin, Tim had already graduated from being Robin. Bruce said he had outgrown the mantle and wanted something else for himself now. His own title.

Jason didn’t mind that much. He didn’t want Tim to see him as his little brother. Not when he thought Tim was really really pretty.

Tim let out a yawn and stretched himself, lifting his arms which made his sweater rise a bit. Jason forced himself to not look at the little bit of pale skin of his predecessor’s stomach that was exposed by that movement.

"Sorry, I’m pretty tired," Tim said. "We can talk more tomorrow. Good night, Jason."

Right, tomorrow. And the day after tomorrow. Maybe they could go together on patrol too. Tim could tell him about how it was to be Robin and how it was to adjust into the role of the sidekick, stepping into the footsteps of Dick must’ve been hard too.

Jason got excited thinking about it, he probably won’t be able to fall asleep tonight.

"Good night."

 

 

 

 

 


	2. Year Two

"Earth to Robin!" Spoiler snapped her fingers in front of Jason. He looks up, dazed. "Don’t you _dare_."

"Don’t I dare what?" Jason asked putting his attention back on the three criminals they just disarmed and successfully tied together back to back, ready for GCPD to pick them up like they were a perfectly wrapped present.

"Don’t you dare leave me here alone to wait for the police so you can run after Red," she said.

Jason’s mouth fell open. He could imagine the expression Stephanie was doing right now under her black mask perfectly. Her head was cocked to the side and she was probably perking one of her eyebrows up. He knew there was no chance denying it but he still tried.

"I _wasn’t_ going to do that," he said. "The fuck. I… Just. Don’t you think you can handle this alone?"

"Of course I do, that’s not the point!" One of the guys to their feet groaned and Stephanie tugged on the rope that was tied around his mid, tightening it to shut him up. "This is just the boring part, you can take it instead."

Jason cursed and stared at the guys, then up to the rooftop where Red Robin had been just two minutes ago. He had seen that Jason and Stephanie were perfectly capable of catching these guys on their own and waved at them before he swung away from the rooftop.

"Fuck them," Jason said, "they can’t get out anymore anyway. Let’s dash."

Stephanie shook her head in disbelief. "Fine, just go. You owe me."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Run after your crush."

"He’s not my—"

"Right. Because you _weren’t_ staring daggers at me for weeks when you found out Red and I used to date."

"That’s not why I did that. You were just… a stranger."

"Just go before he gets away!"

"Thanks, Spoiler!" Jason smiled at her. He really did owe her. Stephanie was right though, at first he had been a bit too harsh to her upon meeting Spoiler for the first time. No, wait. He was nice to her until Stephanie dropped the bomb that she and Tim used to date.

Afterward, Jason had watched the two of them closely, making sure whatever has been between really was history like they both claimed it was. They were right. Whatever used to be was gone but Stephanie was very important to Tim as a friend and she stayed a close friend.

She became important to Jason too and he learned that disliking her was a stupid thing. So was having a crush on Tim but it wasn’t like he could change _that_ part.

"Hey," Jason spoke into the comlink to Red Robin, "you still out there?"

"I was going to call it a night," Red Robin replied. Jason had missed his voice in his ear. Tim had been gone for a month with the Teen Titans again and tonight was the first night he came back.

"Where are you?"

Tim told him where he was and Jason immediately swung into the night with his grappling gun. From one building to the other, jumping on the rooftops, rolling off of them and running towards Tim. Excitement washed over him as he made his way to the building Tim was at.

Jason landed hard on the rooftop and smiled when Tim turned around immediately. A month wasn’t actually that long but for Jason, it had felt way longer than that. He tried to hide his excitement and not run towards Tim, trying to act all cool and calm when his heart was beating so fast. A little part of it was from the rush he gained while making his way here but most of it was because of Tim.

"Hey," Jason greeted the older boy.

The corner of Tim’s lip raised into a crooked smile. "Hi," he said. "Did you and Spoiler deal with that?"

"Yeah," Jason lied. It wasn’t technically a lie and Stephanie had said it was okay to run after Tim. "Uh. Welcome back."

Tim breathed in, his face towards the skyline of Gotham beneath them. "Is it weird to say I missed Gotham?"

"Yes," Jason said and they both laughed. "I know what you mean though."

Gotham was a horrible city to live in, unpleasant, their crime rates were shocking for anyone outside of Gotham, several policemen were corrupt, the weather was most of the time pretty shitty, and the people unfriendly. But it was still Gotham, it was their home they all swore to protect and watch over.

"California still sounds better though. Got any time to get tanner?" Jason asked. "You could use some sun."

"Don’t get cocky." Tim really could use some sun though. His skin was so pale, making the shades under his eyes even darker when he hadn’t got enough sleep which was _often._ No amount of concealer could fool Jason when he knew how Tim lived.

They didn’t live together but Jason was sure Tim’s daily routine was worse than it used to be when there was no Alfred, and also no Jason to prevent him from drinking a third or fourth cup of coffee each day.

"I was actually thinking," Tim said, "don’t you want to come with me?"

"Huh?"

Tim shrugged. "To the Teen Titans. I think that could be good."

"But… that’s your team." Dick had his own Teen Titans as did Tim. They had their team of teen superheroes they had found themselves.

"Who said there’s only one of us allowed on the team?" Tim asked and Jason didn’t know what to answer. "You don’t have to. Sorry, I just assumed."

"No! That’d be actually really cool!" Jason shouted and Tim smiled. Spending more time with Tim was also something he looked forward to. Over the past months, his crush on the former Robin had gotten worse. He was pretty sure everyone but Tim knew about it and if Tim knew, he wasn’t showing it.

Jason was glad he didn’t. There was no way he could tell Tim about what he felt for him. He couldn’t just tell him how his eyes always followed Tim when he entered the room and how his thoughts were filled with Tim when he was away again, or how endearing he thought he was when he was _nothing_ like Jason expected him at first to be.

He remembered being embarrassed upon their first meeting when his desk was so messy and now he knew Tim was ten times as worse. Tim was the definition of messy and Jason liked it.

Jason couldn’t tell Tim, not until he outgrew Robin and could see eye to eye with Tim. Not that he wasn’t already— they were actually already about the same height much to Tim’s disappointment— but Jason didn’t feel like it. He wanted to be not just the successor in Tim’s eyes. Or the 'babybird' how Tim had once called him after he was drunk on one of Joker’s toxins which resulted in Dick making fun of them days after.

He wasn’t ready for Tim yet, not when Tim was so out of his league.

"I was going to head home now," Tim said, "wanna come?"

Jason blinked. "You’re coming to the Batcave?"

"Yes, there is some stuff I need to take a look at and I need the full equipment of the Batcave," Tim said. Always the detective, another reason why Jason was so completely in awe by him.

"Will you stay for the night?"

"Depends on how long it takes."

"You should stay," Jason said, "it’s late already. Your room is still exactly how you left it! Maybe a bit… less messy."

"Hey! There’s an order in that mess," Tim defended himself. Jason scoffed.

"Right."

"No, seriously. If I clean up I _won’t_ find my things."

"How does having your dirty clothes on the ground make you find your things?"

"I memorize that. When I put a pen next to one of my socks, I’ll have that image in my mind and know where to look," Tim explained and Jason laughed.

It was way too easy for him to talk to Tim. When they were like that, Jason never wanted to say anything. He didn’t want what they had to change, he liked the comfortable relationship they had. Even if it painfully hurt whenever Tim talked about someone else.

"I still won’t stay," Tim said.

"What? Why?"

"You never let me drink my coffee!"

"Red, the reason you probably are stuck being this short is that you drank too much of it since you were a child."

Tim glared at Jason under his cowl. He really didn’t like being the same height as Jason who was three years his junior. "That really doesn’t sound like you want me to stay."

Jason flashed him a bright smile. "You got your bike here?" Jason asked.

"Behind the building."

"First one to arrive drives!" Jason shouted.

"It’s _my_ bike!" Red Robin yelled after him but Jason was already dropping himself down from the building into the darkness, thinking about how it will be like to have Tim sit so close behind him holding onto Jason with his arms around Jason’s waist.

 

 

 


	3. Year Three

Jason was Robin.

He took the mantle not too long after Tim gave up being Robin. He actually didn’t want to give up Robin until he could find a fitting successor. Thought about maybe training them too and preparing them to fit in the Robin mantle.

Life didn’t always turn out as you planned. Tim didn’t like when that happened but it was one of the things he had to deal with. It all turned out well in the end though.

Upon Tim pressuring Bruce during the period he was appearing less as Robin and more often as Red Robin, that he needed to find a Robin because _Batman needs a Robin,_ Bruce somehow had managed to find himself another black haired blue eyed orphan.

Tim wasn’t an orphan but with his parents being absent most of the time, it was almost like he was one.

Jason Todd was the new Robin’s name. A boy only three years younger than Tim and not much shorter too but they were so different. Not just from Tim, but also from Dick.

Each Robin had their own distinct style and Tim had watched Jason. He was rough and all edges, probably from his upbringing. He watched Jason and had trained with him, adjusting his movements for Jason to help him get stronger in the best way, to grow in his own fighting style that suited him the best.

Tim wanted to be nice and welcoming to Jason, just as much as Dick wanted to. Tim and Dick… they didn’t start out on the best terms. It took them a long time actually until they got along. Tim couldn’t blame Dick but that was past them now.

Jason and Tim weren’t _brothers._ For one Bruce Wayne hadn’t adopted Tim since he still had parents of his own, but they were what you could call friends. If you could call the way Jason looked at Tim _friends._

Tim had at first been awkward, not knowing how to deal with Jason’s crush.

He thought it was probably just a baby crush, a little hero worshipping from the current Robin to the one before him. Tim knew exactly how that was, he remembered how it was for him when he first met Dick. Dick, the first Robin, the acrobat with a handsome face, strong muscles and elegant movements that drew your attention.

Of course, Tim had been in awe, even after Dick pretty much was… well, a _dick_ to him. So Tim thought maybe it was the same for Jason. Tim was his predecessor and even if Tim was just _Tim,_ he was still Robin. Jason fell for Robin, not Tim, at least that’s what he thought.

Until he noticed that Jason actually was crushing hard on Tim and he had no idea how to deal with it. Jason wasn’t interested at all in Dick, which was confusing to Tim. Dick was the one people fell for at first sight, the one that drew people to him, the one that only had to flash a smile for people to flock around him. Tim was none of that.

Tim was just Tim and for some reasons, Jason thought it was enough.

There was no way Tim didn’t know about his crush when Jason was so _obvious._ People always said Tim was oblivious when it came to things like that but even he knew that Jason’s mood was always brightening up when he saw Tim, or how he tried hard to look cool in front of him, or how the faint blush on his cheeks was only really ever there when he talked to Tim.

At first, Tim didn’t think too much of it. It will fade and Tim wasn’t interested. Jason was a kid, and Tim didn’t see him that way. But slowly recently Jason had become more than that to him and Tim didn’t know how to deal with that. And when it became serious between them, Tim ran.

Of course, he ran off to the Teen Titans which he was probably outgrowing soon too with that _Teen_ attached to it. He didn’t want to think about Jason and the look in his eyes when they talked, or how tall and broad Jason has gotten recently, and how deep his voice had gotten. No sixteen-year-old should look like that.

Tim didn’t want to think about all the teasing from Jason’s side that Tim had recently fallen into more and more that it was progressing into _flirting_ instead of just joking around.

Getting his mind off with his friends was the best idea, Tim decided.

While he was sitting between Kon and Cassie, as Bart picked out a song to sing next for karaoke, Tim’s phone rang.

"We said no phones!" Kon shouted.

"We didn’t," Tim said.

"It’s an unspoken rule," Bart pointed out and Tim sighed. He took out his phone and glanced at the Name.

"Jason?" Kon read out. The worst thing about Jason’s not so obvious crush was that _everyone_ knew. Tim had introduced him to the Teen Titans about a year ago and he had been on a few missions too since then. He was a member of the team, just as much as Tim was.

Needless to say, Tim had gotten a lot of smug looks from his teammates.

"Oh!" Cassie tugged on Tim’s shirt, teasingly. "Maybe he finally got the guts to ask you out."

Tim rolled his eyes. "Maybe it’s important," he said, "I’ll be right back." He got up from his seat and walked out of the room as he picked up the call. "What happened?"

"What, I can’t call you just because I feel like it?" Jason asked. Tim halted.

"You are?"

"No, I…" Jason hesitated and Tim patiently waited for him to find his words. "I got a lead."

"A lead?"

"On my mother."

Tim knew Jason was currently trying to find out who his birth mother was. He gasped. "Really? Do you need my help?"

"No, I’m— I’m handling this. Besides, I’m in Ethiopia," Jason said. "I just wanted to talk to you. I’m kind of nervous."

Tim could understand. "Jay," Tim said, "have you talked to Bruce yet?"

"I did but… can we not talk about Bruce?" Jason pleaded. His voice was tense and Tim quickly moved into his room to get more privacy.

"Okay," he said and closed the door, "what do you want to talk about? What kind of lead?"

"It’s— complicated," Jason said, "I don’t want to say much. I’m scared I get my hopes up too much and in the end, it’ll lead to nothing."

Tim pursed his lips. "Are you sure you don’t need my help? I could fly over."

"Then why did you leave?"

Tim inhaled sharply. Of course, Jason knew. Jason wasn’t stupid, he was more perceptive and smart than a lot of people thought he was. Jason must’ve noticed the way Tim acted the last time they talked. How they came so close that Tim almost crossed the line between them, whatever that was. Tim felt way too comfortable towards Jason than he should and giving in was so easy when Jason looked at him like _that,_ when Tim’s name rolled off his tongue like a plead.

"I—"

"Forget it," Jason said. "I have to go."

"Where are you going?"

"We can talk later. I think my— _mom_ is in trouble," Jason said. He sounded harsh, his voice cold like it never was when he talked to Tim.

Tim swallowed hard. "I’m sorry I ran away," he said.

"Tim," Jason said in such a soft tone again, the one Tim knew from him, "you know what I feel for you, right? That I… I like you?"

Tim sat down on his bed. He had been scared of Jason asking him this for the past years. Back then it was because he’d have to turn Jason down. Now, he wasn’t so sure about that anymore. "Yes," he replied.

Jason was quiet for a while. "Can we talk about whatever this between us is when I come back?"

Tim breathed out in relief. He hadn’t noticed how tense his body had been before. "Yeah," he said and a smile returned on his lips again. "I’ll promise I won’t run away this time."

"You better not." Tim could picture Jason’s smile perfectly right now. "Okay, I have to go for real now."

"Okay. And… Jason?"

"Yeah?"

"Stay safe."

"Always will. Talk to you later." The call ended and Tim put his phone down. He stared at the screen for a while. He’d have to face his feelings now and be sure of them once he met Jason again. It’s what Jason deserved.

For some reasons, Tim wasn’t that scared after the call anymore. He actually looked forward to their next meeting. He was sick of running away too, maybe it was time for him to finally be the one to chase after Jason instead of the other way round.

A knock came against his door before it opened slightly."Are you okay?" Kon asked.

Tim smiled. "Yeah."

Kon furrowed his brows. "Something good happened?"

Tim took one last glance at the screen of his phone which was now completely back. He put it back into the pocket of his jacket and got up from his bed. "Maybe. We’ll see once I get back to Gotham."

 

 


	4. Year Four

Jason wasn’t Robin anymore.

It’s been exactly 365 days since he died, several more since he was last seen on the streets of Gotham. Everyone grieved in their own way, and for Bruce, it was shutting himself off.

There was nothing Tim could do. When Jason died, Bruce acted roughly as Batman. Violent, angry, reckless. Tim stepped in as Robin again even though he’s long outgrown the mantle.

Tim knew Bruce didn’t want to talk. He glanced at his mentor who was standing in front of the case in which Jason’s Robin costume was displayed. He remembered how Jason had laughed when he saw the case for Dick’s old costume and thanked Tim that he had insisted on changing the shorts to leggings.

Tim closed his eyes, tried to bring back the memory of Jason when he first became Robin. The way he laughed, so carefree and loud, never afraid to wear his emotions out for Tim to see. His feelings too.

"I’ll leave now," Tim told Bruce. The man didn’t even turn around to Tim. All Tim could see was his broad back and the faint reflection of Bruce’s face on Jason’s case. Tim swallowed hard before he left the Batcave.

He wished, Cass were here. She was usually in Gotham too but right now on an undercover mission with Steph. Cass didn’t use many words but it always seemed like she always knew what to say. A skill Tim wished he had because most of the times he felt so helpless, especially with Bruce.

Tim and Cass were close but Cass had been Jason’s Batgirl. Batman, Robin, Batgirl, the trio. She probably would’ve known exactly what to say to Bruce instead of lurking awkwardly in the Batcave in the Robin suit that looked almost exactly like the one Bruce was staring at.

Once Tim arrived upstairs at the Wayne Manor, he made his way to his bedroom. He stopped at the room that was once Jason’s bedroom. He hadn’t stepped into it since Jason died.

Tim hesitated as he reached for the doorknob. He breathed in sharply and opened the room.

There was no day where Tim didn’t think about Jason. He thought about Jason so often and repeated the images of them together so many times in his head. All of this because he was scared. Tim was scared one day, he’ll forget. Not _forget_ Jason, because there was no way Tim could. But he was scared that he will forget those little moments they had, the way Jason laughed, the look in his eyes whenever Tim talked to him, his voice.

Tim didn’t want to forget.

And stepping into Jason’s bedroom was like a hit in his face. For the first time, Tim was back and it didn’t feel like Jason’s room at all. Jason wasn’t messy like Tim but this room was lifeless.

There was no book on his bedside table, no homework on the table, and most of all, the familiar smell of Jason was gone too. The room was completely dark, only the light of the moon shining through the window.

Tim stepped inside and turned on the light. Even now in the warm light of the ceiling lamp, it was lifeless.

He remembered the last time he had been in Jason’s room. It was months before Jason’s death. Tim had been over at the Wayne Manor for dinner and afterward, Jason had approached him.

"Hey, do you…We still have some time left," Jason had said nervously, rubbing the back of his neck. Tim could clearly see the blush rising up to Jason’s cheeks. Jason had always been obvious with his crush but over the time he got more relaxed with Tim, better at hiding it. Not good, but _better._ But at that time he seemed really nervous.

"Yeah," Tim had replied.

"Wanna watch a movie or something? Or a show?" Jason looked down on his shoes.

"I actually wanted to go home to my dad before patrol," Tim had said.

"Oh. Forget it then." Tim remembered exactly how he looked, just like a kicked puppy.

"You know what? Okay. It’s been a while since I’ve been here."

The way Jason had smiled had hit Tim so hard, it was probably the first time there had been a shift in the way Tim saw Jason. Before he— Jason hadn’t been like a little brother to him like Dick probably saw Jason. For once, Tim wasn’t a Wayne, he still had his own father. But Jason had always been more of like a close friend to him.

Tim had been surprised when Jason took him upstairs to his room and not the living room to watch a movie but he didn’t complain. He didn’t complain either when they sat so close to each other on Jason’s bed with his laptop on his lap and watched a Sci-Fi show which Jason had picked out with the belief that Tim would like it.

Tim glanced over the bed and sat down at it. His palm brushed over the soft silk of the bedsheets.

That evening, he had noticed for the first time how big Jason had got. When they were so close to each other, their arms not just brushing but completely resting against each other, their legs aligned, he had noticed how Jason’s legs were longer than Tim’s.

He also noticed the many glances Jason had stolen.

"I think that was when I started liking you too," Tim said out loud for no reason to no one at all. "I’m so sorry, Jason. I’m sorry I ran away when I noticed I liked you."

He lied down on Jason’s bed and rested his face in the pillow.

It was his fault. If Tim hadn’t been such a stupid coward and ran away maybe they could’ve been together. Tim could’ve told him what he really felt for Jason, tell him the words Jason had wanted to hear for so long. And maybe Jason wouldn’t have flown to Ethiopia.

Jason would still be here if Tim wouldn’t have been such a coward. If he had just told him how he felt—

It was too late now. Jason died without knowing Tim liked him too.

Tim cried into Jason’s pillow for the love he never had and still lost.

 

 


	5. Year Five

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since only jay and tims timeline shifted and every other is a fixed point, Bruce is dead when Jason comes back.

Damian Wayne was Robin.

Tim couldn’t exactly tell if that was a good thing. For one, he didn’t have to be Robin anymore. At twenty-one, you don’t exactly want to run around as a sidekick. But that was about it.

Damian was Robin and he hated Tim. He glared at Tim like it was his fault Bruce died. And Tim couldn’t even say anything because part of him blamed himself too. There had to be a reason why everyone in his life was dead and Dick preferred to spend his time with Damian instead.

It was his fault that he couldn’t keep anyone in his life. Tim couldn’t save Bruce when he died, nor his parents, Steph, Kon or Bart. And Jason…

Jason wasn’t dead but he wasn’t the Jason Tim knew anymore.

The Jason standing in front of him wasn’t the young boy full of life, a bit reckless and loud. The smile he always used to give Tim wasn’t the same anymore, there was no sign of fondness and joy in it. This Jason was… big and dangerous.

He was tall, way taller than Tim, and probably twice as broad too. His soft hair that Tim remembered ruffling a few times which had always put a cute blush on Jason’s cheeks were messy from the helmet he had just taken off, and a white stripe among the dark curls could be seen.

"Jay," Tim breathed out and Jason tossed the helmet to the ground, letting it fall next to his heavy combat boots.

He looked so different, as did his costume. Robin was always flashy, red, yellow, green, bright colors to get their opponent’s attention and distract them in order for Batman to be able to sneak in easily. Robin was a bright hero that sparked joy in the nights of Gotham, and an idol kids looked up to. Red Hood wasn’t.

"Names on the field?" Jason asked. His voice was way deeper than Tim remembered. Tim stared at the man across from him, trying hard to find the young boy he used to love under the leather, the mask, and guns. "Didn’t Bats tell us not to?"

Tim stepped closer. He had heard of Red Hood and how he was terrorizing the streets of Gotham. No, that wasn’t exactly how you could call the vendetta Jason had going on. Dick had told him Jason was dangerous and not the Jason Tim knew from before but…

This was still _Jason._ His Jason. The Jason that made Tim’s heart tighten. "Hood," Tim corrected himself.

"What are you doing here? I’m pretty sure I told the newest Batman to stay away from me," Jason’s voice was rough and angry. Tim still stared at him wide-eyed, still searching for just a little part of the new Jason that remembered him of the old one. There had to be something, just _something_ , a short crack in his expression even if just for a quarter second—

"Welcome home," Tim said.

It was like something in Jason snapped upon hearing those words. He lunged forward and threw Tim on the ground. Even though Tim would’ve moved on instinct and immediately defend himself, he didn’t protest at all when Jason attacked him.

Tim’s back hit the hard ground of the street’s asphalt.

"Home?!" Jason grunted. "What fucking _home_?"

"Gotham," Tim said, looking up. Jason was on top of him, holding him down with his broad hand around Tim’s neck but not too tight for it to hurt badly.

Jason scoffed. "Right. The home where my murderer still runs around freely." He raised his fist. "This home? Where _none_ of you even did anything?" His fist lowered and hit Tim’s face and yet Tim didn’t fight back. Not now and not for the next few kicks and hits.

Tim heard a crack— probably his nose— and felt warm blood dripping down his face.

"Where were you? Why didn’t you do anything? Not you and not— not _him._ " Tim’s head buzzed from the hits. Jason picked him up by his neck, cutting off the air. Tim let out a choked sound as the younger man lifted him up from the ground easily. He’s so tall now, Tim thought when his feet left the ground.

"Where were you when he died?" Jason shouted. "I heard what happened. You let your parents die, you let that clone and the speedster die and you let _him_ die."

Tim’s tried to get himself out of Jason’s grip but the next thing he did was throw Tim down on the ground, sending him flying a few meters back. He hit the ground again and let out a groan.

"Why aren’t you saying anything?!" Jason shouted. "Fight back!" Tim coughed and shakily sat up. His entire body protested while Jason just stared down on him.

Jason kneeled down. "Get up," he said. "Get up and fight me."

Tim coughed out a pool of blood before he looked up and into Jason’s face. There was no sign of the Jason he used to love anymore. "No," he said, "I won’t fight you."

"Coward. You’re a coward. All you do is run away."

"Not anymore," Tim said. It took all his strength to talk. "I don’t— I don’t want to run away from you anymore. Never again."

It was the reason why they were in this mess now. Because Tim had been a coward. Jason laughed at him. The sound sounded nothing like the warm laughter Tim knew from back then.

Jason had never been angry at him. At everyone but him. Tim didn’t know what it was like to be hated by Jason. He grabbed Tim’s hair by the back and yanked Tim’s head up.

"Why. Why didn’t you do anything? I understand when _Dick_ didn’t do anything. But you and Bruce…" Jason’s voice cracked and there it was. The crack Tim had been looking for. Even if it was just a split of a second, it was all Tim needed to confirm that somewhere under all of this, there was still his Jason. "I thought I meant something to you."

"You did," Tim whispered. His voice came out croaked, his throat still hurting from Jason’s chokehold.

"No." Jason shook his head. "How more people do you want to bury? Was I not enough? You didn’t change, not even after Bruce and your pathetic friends died. You bats will _never_ change."

Jason’s grip on Tim’s hair tightened, making Tim let out a sharp hiss. The Red Hood took out his gun and pressed it against Tim’s forehead. "None of you will change. Maybe when they lose you, _one_ of them is going to wake up."

Tim didn’t flinch. "Jay, please…"

"Don’t. Call. Me. That," Jason shouted, hitting him across the face again. "Give me one good reason why I shouldn’t kill you."

Tim’s mind went blank. Maybe he should just let Jason kill him. He had thought about being dead many times since everyone around him died too. But he couldn’t let Jason kill him. Not because Tim wanted to live but because he didn’t want Jason to have to carry the guilt with him forever. He knew Jason was still there, somewhere. And when that Jason came back, Tim knew, he wouldn’t forgive himself for killing Tim.

"Because I love you," Tim said.

Jason froze. "Don’t make me laugh," he spat out. "If you’ve loved me you would’ve done something! Kill him! Just _him._ Just that freak that killed me and so many other people!"

"Hood."

The familiar voice of Dick’s Batman interrupted them.

"Fuck off," Jason snapped at him.

"Get away from him!" Dick shouted. His batarang flew right towards Jason but he managed to dodge it.

"Leave me alone. Don’t ever come back to my territory." Jason got up and looked down at Tim. "Especially not you." Then, he ran away.

"Red!" Dick shouted, running towards Tim, picking the beaten up vigilante gently into his arms.

"Shouldn’t we run after him?" Damian asked.

"No! Look at him, he needs help immediately!" Dick shouted and Tim knew Damian probably was cursing Tim in his head and rolling his eyes. "Red, it’s okay. I’m here, we got you."

Tim couldn’t even look at Dick, his eyes were way too heavy. "He was there," Tim whispered as Dick.

"I know. He will pay for this."

"No!" Tim’s eyes flew open immediately and he grabbed onto Dick’s coat. "I mean Jason. He— he’s still there."

"That wasn’t Jason," Dick said with a harsh voice. "That wasn’t my brother. He almost killed you."

Tim shook his head. "He’s still there, Jason’s still there. I know it." He could see the concerned expression in Dick’s eyes. No, it wasn’t just concern. It was… pity. It was the same look Dick and everyone gave him whenever Tim told them Bruce wasn’t dead.

"Ssh, it’s okay," Dick said quietly, "You just need some rest now. We can talk about it later."

Tim glared at Dick. "I’m not crazy, I know what I saw," he said.

Damian snickered. "Right. Hood wanted to kill you and you claim to not be crazy."

"Shut up."

Damian didn’t know Jason. He didn’t know how close they used to be and how much Tim loved him. He’ll come back to them one day, and Tim will be there waiting for him.

 


	6. Year Six

Jason was Red Hood.

And he was pretty good at being Red Hood. He picked the name 'Red Hood' not just because it was the one Joker used to have, though that was a big part of why he did.

Jason sought for red. After the endless green pit, Jason needed it. He needed red: the color of blood, rage, anger, and _Tim,_ the Red Robin _._

A year has passed since he came back and beat him. A lot of things have changed since then. Bruce came back, Dick stopped being Batman and went back to be Nightwing, Jason… got less angry.

Of course, there’ll always be anger in him. The pit never leaves you and dying and coming back to life wouldn’t either.

A year ago, all he felt for Tim was anger and now it was just guilt. Even though Jason had gotten on better terms with the rest of the family (that was debatable but not attacking and fighting them all the time was a big improvement), he still hadn’t talked to Tim. He avoided the other man.

Until tonight.

The night Jason somehow managed to get shot and Tim out of _everyone_ from the other bats was the closest to him. He dragged Jason to the nearest safe house after a lot of protesting from Jason.

Tim was tiny, Jason never thought he’d think that but now that he was back, Tim was just so _short_ and small. But he was strong and carried Jason to the place, hauled him on the couch and got out the bullet, treated his wound and scanned his body.

Neither of them said anything during the whole time. They haven’t exactly talked to each other since that one time Tim broke him out of jail about eight months ago. And even then they didn’t exchange more words than necessary.

Tim placed a cup of water on the table next to Jason. "Here," he said. Jason didn’t reply, looked at the glass of water and then back to Tim.

Why was he helping him? The last time they _actually_ had a talk was when Jason was punching the living shit out of him.

"You’ll be fine," Tim said, "the bullet didn’t go in too deep. I’m sure you know how to take care of yourself. Just don’t get back to the streets too soon."

Jason scoffed. "You know I will."

Tim eyed him. At first glance, Tim hadn’t changed much. His hair was way longer now, Jason only knew him with short messy hair but he liked the new look. He looked young for his age with his big eyes and small face but at the same time so much older. He just looked tired and exhausted all the time. Or maybe, he only looked like this when Jason was around.

"I’ll leave now." Tim was about to put his cowl back on when Jason grabbed his cape.

"Why did you help me?" he asked.

The expression on Tim’s face shifted slightly. Most people probably wouldn’t have noticed but Jason used to spend so much time watching his crush, he could read him well. It was a painful one. "You know why."

Jason swallowed hard. "You should hate me."

"I don’t," Tim said. "I could never hate you."

Jason tried to sit up but Tim pressed him down gently. "I said the wound wasn’t that deep but you still need to rest," he scolded Jason. A smile crept up on Jason’s face which disappeared as quickly as it appeared.

Tim awkwardly stood around in front of Jason. "Do you want me to stay?" he asked. It sounded like he already expected Jason to say no.

"Yes."

Tim’s eyes widened in surprise and Jason could tell he was trying to hide a smile when he quickly sat down on the ground. Jason had no idea why he said yes. Even though before his death they used to be the closest, after his death Tim was the one he was the least close to.

Well, him and Bruce but the whole Bruce thing was a whole other thing to unpack.

"I’m sorry," Jason said.

"For what?"

"Are you kidding me?" He laughed bitterly. "I know it’s already been a year but you can’t tell me you don’t know what I’m talking about. I almost killed you. I beat you over and over again. And I-" He choked as the memory of that night came back. He closed his eyes and inhaled sharply.

He had many memories he tried hard not to think about. Joker’s torture and the explosion leading to his death, the way he dug himself out of his grave or the pit were just a few of those. The night he fought Tim and held a gun to his head wasn’t one of those.

When his mind drifted to his death, Jason tried to distract himself. But when it reminded him of what he did to Tim, Jason had to remember. Remind himself what a piece of shit he was to the guy he once claimed to love. He deserved being tortured by the memory of how he treated Tim.

"It’s okay," Tim said quietly, "that wasn’t you. You were angry and just came back… it was the pit talking."

"It wasn’t. I mean not all of it." Jason turned his head to face Tim. He was so close to him and a few years ago it would’ve made Jason nervous and his heart clench. Now he couldn’t exactly tell explain what he was feeling. Tim was still breathtakingly beautiful just like on the first day he met him. Maybe even more so.

"I forgive you," Tim said with a smile.

"You shouldn’t," Jason replied.

"The point of apologizing is that the other party forgives them, you know."

"Nah, not like this. I don’t want you to forgive me but I had to apologize. I was horrible to you and I wish you’d hate me," Jason said. "I wish you had fought back."

Maybe the guilt he was carrying wouldn’t be so grave and hit him in the heart every time he saw Tim. Even if he was better now, he didn’t deserve to be around Tim. There was nothing in the world he could do to make up to what he did. He didn’t apologize to ask for forgiveness and redemption to deserve Tim again because Jason knew he would never.

"I couldn’t." Tim’s voice was so quiet Jason barely caught the words. "And I could never hate you. I was just so happy you were back." At the end of the sentence, his voice broke and tears came up.

"Shit. Don’t cry on me."

"I’m sorry."

"No, fuck. Don’t apologize." It broke Jason’s heart to see Tim cry. This was all his fault. It was his fault Tim was like this now. Maybe he was the reason why Tim looked so lifeless a lot of times and just generally exhausted. Jason knew he didn’t deserve to touch Tim but he still did. He reached out his hand and placed it on Tim’s cheek.

Before he could change his mind Tim put his on top of Jason’s and held it there. More tears followed, falling down his cheeks and on Jason’s palm. "Don’t beat yourself up over it, Jay," Tim said, "I forgive you." He looked up into Jason’s face. He was still beautiful while crying, his face flushed and his eyes glossy. But it wasn’t a sight Jason had ever wanted to see.

He had always only ever wanted Tim to be happy. And realizing Tim had probably cried often because of him… it broke something in Jason. He cried too and Tim lunged forward and hugged him.

Jason couldn’t hug back but it was okay. Tim was there and he forgave him even if Jason will never forgive himself.

"It’s okay," Tim whispered between sobs, "I’m here. I’ll always be here for you and wait for you, Jay."

"You shouldn’t be," Jason cried into Tim’s chest. He felt like a young boy again. Like the boy, he used to be when he first came into the manor and met Tim. "You should hate me and stop waiting for me."

Tim smiled at him. "You waited for me too."

" _You_ didn’t try to kill me."

"Small details like that don’t matter," Tim joked and Jason even chuckled.

"That’s not a joking matter, Tim."

Tim let him go but left his hand on top of Jason’s chest. "I mean it, Jay. I don’t care for how long it takes for you to come around. I’ve forgiven you a long time ago— I was never mad. You just… I think you just need to forgive yourself."

Jason wiped away his tears with the back of his palm. "What for?" Jason asked. "We can never be what we used to be."

"I know." Tim shrugged. "We can be something else. Or nothing at all. It’s okay. I’m fine with whatever you want."

Tim shouldn’t be this patient with him. He should hate him and resent him for what Jason did to him. Jason should be the one waiting for Tim to be the one to come around. No, Tim should be out there meeting new people, having the time of his life, falling in and out of love, and move on from Jason.

"I don’t deserve you in my life," Jason whispered.

"Who cares about deserving," Tim replied. "Fuck that. I want you in my life. I _need_ you."

"You have Bruce back. And the speedster and the clone. You don’t need me."

Tim shook his head. "Yes, and I’m _grateful_. But they’re not you. No one will ever be you."

Just as nobody could ever be Tim for him. Jason had always known in the back of his head that he still had feelings for Tim. For a long time the anger and hatred towards him had won over, and then Jason had tried to suppress his feelings for Tim but he couldn’t deny it anymore.

He was still so absolutely in love with Tim Drake.

"Okay. I’ll try," Jason said. He didn’t believe his own words but at least Tim smiled at him. And seeing Tim smile was all that mattered.

 

 


	7. Year Seven

Red Hood and Red Robin was a duo the criminals of Gotham feared of.

They were a good team. Jason and Tim worked well together and Tim wondered if Jason felt the same whenever they were fighting side by side. If he also was overthrown by the same rush and feeling every time, transferring him back to the time when they were Robin and Red Robin.

Sometimes, it was like Jason had never been gone. When they worked so effortlessly well together without having to exchange any words to know what step the other is going to take and how they had to move accordingly. Most of the times though, Tim felt the difference of Robin Jason and Red Hood Jason.

For one, he had guns. There was no way around it, that was one of the biggest difference. Even when Jason didn’t use them, he was way bigger than Tim now. Still fast and agile like every one of them had to be but Jason had adjusted his fighting style to his height and size.

It would never be the same as it was back then but Tim didn’t actually mind. He was glad that after everything they’ve been through over the past two years since Jason came back, they were back together. Fighting alongside on the streets of Gotham like they were made for this. To be together kicking bad guys’ asses.

And everyone knew how well they worked. Even if Bruce and Jason’s relationship was still strained most of the time, they were all still a team. At first, they weren’t happy when Jason and Tim kept teaming up together every time there was a mission that required them to split into groups. They were all worried and Jason had been at first too.

Months passed and now everyone accepted that Red Hood and Red Robin just fit together. Jason included.

Just like now when the Rogues planted several bombs across the city and they all split up in groups of two (except for Batman because Bruce was just _Bruce_ ) to disarm them.

"We don’t have enough time," Tim yelled at Jason as they shouted for the civilians to evacuate.

Jason cursed. "How much time is left?"

"Thirty seconds," Tim replied. "I’ll go back to look if there’s someone still here—"

"What? No way!" Jason protested. "I’ll go."

"We don’t have time! Grab the kid!" Tim pointed at the young boy to Jason’s feet that was crying for his mother. Before Jason could say anything else, Tim rushed deeper into the building.

There was no way he’d let Jason die in an explosion again. Never again.

He found a young woman in the back lying on the ground. Tim didn’t have the time to check for the pulse to see whether she was already dead or just unconscious. There weren’t enough seconds left until the bomb went off and he had to get out now.

Not enough time to get to the grounds either so Tim used his grappling gun and swung across to the next building with the unconscious woman in his arms. He landed swiftly on the rooftop as the bomb went off. The explosion caused the window glasses to shatter and the people on the ground to scream.

Tim turned his attention back to the woman. He checked for her pulse and breathed out in relief upon assuring that she was still alive. She needed medical attention though. His eyes darted back to the ground where the many people that just escaped death stood, their gazes on the burning building above them. Jason was nowhere to be seen.

Tim swung down and handed the woman over to one of the civilians. "Where’s Hood?" he asked a man that clutched to the woman.

"He went back inside," the man replied, "to look for you."

Damn, Jason. There was no way Tim would’ve survived that explosion anyway if he were still inside.

"Thank you," Tim said before running to the building. It was hot and the smoke that filled Tim’s lungs made him cough. "Jason! Jay?"

"Tim?" Jason’s voice came from the back. Red Hood ran towards him among the flames of the building that surrounded them. " _Tim_. You’re alive."

"Yeah," Tim said and before he could tell Jason to get out of here, Jason was standing in front of him and _touching_ him. Jason’s gloved hands were cupping Tim’s face.

"You’re alive," Jason repeated. "I— I thought you were dead. _Tim_."

Tim stared up at Jason. He had lost his helmet somewhere along the night and Tim was glad he could see the relief on Jason’s face. His entire body was shaking.

Tim smiled, put his hand on top of Jason’s. He wished, he could touch his skin.

"I’m okay," Tim assured. "I’m here. I’m here, Jay, I’m okay."

"Fuck, don’t ever do that to me again," Jason shouted and in the next second, he was kissing Tim. As surprised as Tim was, he didn’t flinch or stiffen when Jason’s lips met his.

He’s waited so long for this, years even. There was no way Tim would back down. He kissed Jason back, even more passionate as Jason did. He didn’t even register the smoke and flames of the collapsing building. All Tim cared about was Jason.

He would never let him go again, pulling him closer and closer until there was no space between their bodies. He hoped all the unsaid words between them could be transferred with the kiss, hoped that Jason knew what this meant for Tim.

Tim grabbed in Jason’s dark hair, tugging it slightly as his lips parted. Their tongues met and he closed his eyes. It was hot, be it from the flames or the way Jason made his body react to him. Tim wasn’t sure anymore, there was no way he could think straight when they were _finally_ kissing.

Jason let go of Tim, his mouth opened in shock. "I—"

"Before you say anything," Tim said, "we need to get out of here." No words came out of Jason’s mouth which Tim took as an agreement. They jumped off the building and once they landed, Tim turned to Jason. "Jay—"

"I need to go." His voice was cold.

Tim wasn’t surprised that Jason ran away. Despite the improvement they’ve made in the past year, Jason still hadn’t let Tim in yet. Jason ran away into the night.

 _Reds, meeting in the Batcave,_ Barbara’s voice came over the comlink.

 _Count me out._ Hearing Jason’s voice after that made Tim shiver.

 _Me too,_ he said.

He could hear Barbara groaning. _Whatever. You’ll have to deal with B later._

He will. But for now, Tim had to run after Jason. He couldn’t let him slip out of his fingers again. He chased after Jason, knowing exactly where he’d go to. His favorite safe house wasn’t that far away.

Tim knew Jason’s security and how dropping by through the window would be a bad idea, so he used the front door like a normal person. Except that he was still in his Red Robin gear but that was beside the point.

Jason opened the door and shook his head. "No."

"Jason."

"You should go, Tim."

Tim walked inside. "We need to talk," he said.

"I’m sick of talking," Jason replied. Tim breathed in.

"Okay, then no talking." He looked at Jason who groaned in frustration.

"You always make it so hard for me," Jason said and took off his domino mask. Seeing Jason’s eyes behind them, the blue with a hint of green that had been there since the pit and reminded Tim every time of what Jason went through, eased him. Tim followed his movement and pulled down his cowl.

"The kiss—"

"It meant nothing," Jason said. "I was… I thought you were dead. I thought I lost you, Tim. I was just… glad you were alive."

"Then show it to me." Tim stepped closer. "Show me."

"Tim." Jason’s voice was strained and he could hear the pain in it. The younger male looked down, avoiding Tim’s eyes. Tim placed his hand on Jason’s cheek and turned his face to him, holding his gaze.

Tim closed the gap between them, pressing his lips against Jason’s again. It wasn’t as intense as the kiss they had shared back there but this time, Tim was able to notice more things. The slight stubble of Jason’s, how his lips were a bit chapped but felt so soft and warm, the smell of gunpowder and smoke with something deep behind it, something bitter and sweet at the same time. Jason didn’t react at first but Tim didn’t pull back either.

"Please," Tim pleaded against Jason’s lips.

"Fuck," Jason whispered before he pulled Tim in closer. His arm curled around Tim’s waist, pushing him against Jason’s body. It made Tim feel so small next to Jason but he liked it. Liked even more how Jason kissed him back fiercely and picked him up like he weighed nothing.

Tim hooked his legs around Jason’s waist, put his arms around his neck and with every kiss they shared, he fell deeper into him. Jason moved them towards his bedroom and dropped Tim down on the bed.

Tim looked up at Jason. The room was dark but the door to it was open and the light of the hallway gave them all he needed to see. The desire on Jason’s face, his dilated pupils, how Jason was kneeling on top of him.

"Tim," Jason said.

Tim simply sat up and took off his cape. The utility belt followed and Tim threw it somewhere in the corner of the room. Jason was watching him with wide eyes, swallowing hard when Tim sat up and cupped Jason’s face gently before kissing him again.

Tim’s hands wandered to Jason’s jacket, pulling it off him. One by one, he undressed Jason. Tim fell back on his back on the bed and looked up at Jason again. Now, he was waiting for Jason to give in. He didn’t want to push him.

"You’re beautiful," Jason said and brushed a strand of Tim’s hair out of his face. "You’ve always been."

Tim could feel himself blush. "Is there a but coming?"

"Tim…"

"I want you," Tim said. "I’ve wanted you for so long, Jason. _Please_." Tim dragged him down and turned Jason until he sat on top of him on Jason’s lap.

"I don’t think this is a good idea," Jason said.

"Then don’t think," Tim said. He kissed Jason, sloppily, let his kisses trail further down Jason’s chin, his neck, to his collar bone. He was shirtless but the pants were still a painful barrier between them. Jason grabbed into Tim’s hair, pulled him up and kissed him violently. Teeth dug into Tim’s lips as he placed his other hand on Tim’s hip. He tightened his grip, letting his other hand drop too.

Tim let out a deep sigh when Jason’s hands cupped his ass when he moved his hips to grind against Tim. There were no words exchanged between them.

Tim wondered if Jason had wanted this for a long time too. Sure, he had liked Tim before he died but what about after his death? By the way Jason was turning Tim back on his back, clawing at his skin-tight suit and fumbling with the zipper in the back to get it off of Tim, it felt like he did.

Maybe it was just sexual desire and there weren’t any romantic feelings with it, Tim thought when he was lying almost naked in front of Jason. He told himself it didn’t matter because right now he just needed Jason to touch him. Tim knew it was a lie.

It mattered a lot to him but he didn’t say anything. He let Jason take over, let the man he loved leave kisses and marks all over his body, touch his naked skin, watch him with eyes full of lust as sighs and moans escaped Tim’s lips.

He hadn’t actually slept with anyone since Jason died. For a long time, Tim had grieved and before his heart could fully heal and he could move on for the boy he never had in his arms, Jason came back. No way Tim could move on when Jason was right there, so close to him. Tim wondered if Jason had anyone else during the time. Probably, he had been gone with the Outlaws for a long time and this was Jason after all.

He was handsome, his grin dangerous in a way that made Tim’s heart jump, his voice deep and his eyes— There was no way Jason hadn’t had anyone. He wanted to ask but he didn’t. No words came out of Tim’s mouth except for quiet curses and Jason’s name.

Their bodies did the talking for them. Tim’s body moved on his own once they were both fully naked and hard. Jason wrapped his hand around Tim’s erection, guiding it to his own length. It wasn’t nearly enough, Tim wanted Jason to be in him and fuck him until all the questions he had on his mind were in the far back of his head. He wanted to feel that Jason desired him as much as Tim desired Jason but he didn’t want to push Jason.

Heat filled his body as Jason moved his hands around their cocks in a steady rhythm. Jason’s lips hovered over Tim’s but they didn’t kiss, instead, moans and groans were exchanged between the small gap between them. Jason buried his face in the crook of Tim’s neck.

"Tim," he moaned deeply in Tim’s ear. His hot breath sent a shiver down Tim’s spine, making him moan in response. Tim grabbed onto Jason’s hair, pulled on it, bucked his hips upwards. He could feel how close Jason was and how close he was as well.

Jason’s breath was heavy and right before he came, he bit hard down on the flesh of Tim’s shoulder. Tim let out a cry of pleasure and Jason came, crying out Tim’s name and spilling right between them. It only took a few more pumps until Tim came too, holding so tightly onto Jason and digging his fingernails in his shoulders, Tim was sure it would leave marks later.

For a long while, there was nothing between them except for heavy breathing. Jason rolled off of him and looked down at Tim.

Tim could imagine how he looked like right now. A mess with their cum mixed on his stomach, his face flushed, marks on his neck and shoulder. Tim couldn’t read Jason’s expression until it shifted, his mouth fell open and his eyes widened.

"Jason," Tim said to break the silence between them. "It’s okay."

"I’m sorry."

Tim sat up. "Why are you sorry? I wanted this."

Jason chewed on his lower lip. A habit Tim hadn’t seen the younger man do in a very long time. "I shouldn’t have done this."

Of course, Jason would regret it. "I don’t regret this," Tim said. "You know what I feel for you."

Jason stared at him. "I do," he said quietly. "That’s why I shouldn’t have done it."

This was frustrating. Tim wanted to shout at Jason how much he loved him and that he wanted Jason to just get over it and be with him but he knew it was impossible and unfair to Jason.

"You still don’t think you deserve me," Tim stated. Jason didn’t say anything and Tim sighed. "What are we going to do now, Jay?"

"I wish you’d fall for someone else," Jason said, "someone that’s not broken like me."

Tim let out a bitter laugh. "I’m also broken. And I won’t fall for someone else just because you think it’s the right thing."

"But it is. Tim, I want you too. I want you so badly, ever since the day I’ve met you." Tim held his breath. "But I can’t do this. Not yet and I don’t even know if I ever can. And I don’t want you to wait around for me to come around. Fuck, it’s— it’s not fair to you. You deserve someone who doesn’t make you wait."

Tim put his hand on top of Jason’s. "You know I don’t want anyone else."

"I know you’re pretty damn stubborn."

Tim smiled. "Yeah. I can wait. Don’t feel bad about it."

"You know I’m pretty stubborn too. I will." Jason returned his smile and took Tim’s hand.

"Fine, feel bad about it. But I’ll wait, for however long it takes."

Jason’s thumb stroked Tim’s hand gently.

"Thank you," he mouthed.

 


	8. Year Eight

"Hood!" Nightwing shouted when he saw him.

"No time," Jason shot back. He wasn’t interested in chit-chatting with Dick right now, especially not as he and Damian were currently teamed up. If Jason had to run into anyone else the first hour since he came back from Gotham, he would’ve preferred it be Cass. Or Tim.

Dick ignored Jason and somersaulted to him. "You’re back!" he said with a bright smile. "I missed you!"

"What?" Jason furrowed his brows. "I’ve only been gone for three weeks. Not even a month."

"Yeah but you said you only were going to be gone with the Outlaws for a quick mission," Dick said. "We all thought you meant like a _weekend,_ one week max _._ "

Jason glanced at Damian behind Dick’s frame. He was currently fighting some thugs. "You don’t wanna go back to him?" he asked.

"Ah, he can handle himself," Dick said, "have you been to Tim yet?"

"No. I was just about to go there."

Dick gasped. "Sorry. I was just happy to have you back. You should hurry up, Tim’s been worried sick. Especially because he’s still benched."

Jason could imagine how it was for Tim. He broke his leg a bit before Jason had to leave with the Outlaws. He knew how easily bored Tim got, he was restless and couldn’t _not_ do something. He probably piled himself up with several folders of different cases they or the GCPD hadn’t been able to solve.

"Right."

"He’s asked a lot about you!"

"Then step back so I can get to him!"

Dick smiled and step to the side. He gave Jason one last pat on the shoulder before Jason walked past him. Just a year ago, he probably wouldn’t have been so supportive of whatever Jason and Tim were. He accepted that they worked well together and teamed up from time to time, but he still stayed suspicious if Jason and Tim met outside of their uniforms.

Jason couldn’t blame him.

But that had slowly changed and Dick claimed to be Jason’s 'wingman' now. Not that Jason even needed one.

It took him twenty minutes to get to Tim’s place because he dropped by a pizza place to get them some food. He was sure the workers worked extra fast for him because he was in his Red Hood gear. Jason wasn’t complaining and left a big tip.

Once he finally arrived, he knocked at Tim’s door. It took a while until the door opened and there he was.

Tim Drake, former Robin, current benched Red Robin, most beautiful man Jason had ever seen even with those pajama pants, an oversized T-Shirt with too many coffee stains and his hair messily tied back.

"Jason!" Tim shouted with a bright smile. He dropped his clutches and hugged him.

"Woah! I got pizza! I don’t want to drop the pizza!" Jason said but he laughed as he hugged Tim back.

"You can’t drop me either," Tim said and let Jason go who kept his arm around Tim’s way too small waist.

"Your own fault you drop your clutches." Jason kicked the door close and then helped Tim towards the couch. He placed the pizza boxes on top of the couch table and went back to pick up Tim’s clutches and to take off his shoes.

"I didn’t know you came back today," Tim said.

"It was supposed to be a surprise," Jason replied and sat down next to Tim while he took off his jacket too. "And sorry, I was in space on some weird ass mission where I wasn’t able to contact you or anyone."

Tim smiled. "I know. It’s okay, I was just a little worried."Jason raised his eyebrows. "Okay, I was _very_ worried. Can you blame me? I’m stuck here with nothing to do and my thoughts get cramped."

Jason pat Tim’s cast. "How much longer?"

"Until I can be back on the streets? At least a month." Tim’s expression darkened.

"I’m back now," Jason said, "you won’t die of boredom. I promise. If you want, you can play my own personal Oracle."

Immediately, Tim brightened up. Jason smiled as well because seeing Tim like this warmed his heart. He was so beautiful, so adorable when he was happy. And it had taken them a long way to get to this point where Tim smiled at him like this again and Jason let him be the reason for Tim’s happiness.

"Really?"

"Yeah." Jason took the pizza box and placed it on Tim’s lap. "I even got you your favorite disgusting pizza."

"It’s not disgusting. At least I’m not like _Damian_ and like Hawaii." Tim said and Jason laughed. "Thanks, Jay. I should be the one to have something for you, as a welcome home present or something."

Jason rolled his eyes. "Nah, you don’t," he said. "It’s a date after all and I’m treating you."

Tim had been in the mid of taking a slice when he stopped and looked up. "What? This is… a date?"

Jason hesitated. "Unless you don’t want it to be."

Tim blushed. "No! I do. I just— maybe _tell_ me when we go on our first date! I look terrible!"

"You don’t look terrible. I think you look cute." Jason smirked and Tim’s blush deepened. He remembered a time when it had been the other way round and every compliment from Tim had made Jason blush and repeat in his head over and over again for the rest of the day. "Besides, it’s not our first date."

Tim stared at him for a few seconds. "Jason. How many dates did we have I wasn’t aware of?"

Jason took the pizza box and placed it back to the couch table in order to scoot closer to Tim. "This was supposed to be our third. I actually wanted it to be earlier but then the Outlaws needed me and it got postponed."

"What were our other dates and why wasn’t I aware of them?!"

"Our first was when I invited you over to watch movies with me," Jason said with confusion in his voice. "How can you _not_ see that as a date?"

"I— I thought you just wanted to watch movies with me," Tim replied in a small voice.

"I cooked for us."

"You always like to brag about your cooking skills."

"On our second date, I got you flowers!"

"That was— that was a _date_?" Tim shouted.

"I wore a _suit_ ," Jason pointed out.

"Yeah but that was during the time you were undercover and infiltrating some organization, you _always_ wore a suit," Tim defended himself. "I can’t believe it. You… Jay, are you courting me?"

Now it was Jason who blushed. "Yes. Unless you don’t want to because then I’m not."

Tim let out a choked sound. Jason was about to ask him if something was wrong when the older man laughed. "Jay, I’ve wanted this for years," he said and came closer. "So, you… you think you’re ready now?"

Jason hesitated. "I mean, that’s how third dates usually go, right?" He hadn’t actually dated anyone ever. It had only ever been Tim for him. "I… I do. I think I’m ready. I don’t think I’ll ever forgive myself completely for what I’ve done to you or that I deserve you but I’ve been trying. I’m trying so hard."

Since that night where they exchanged their first kiss, Jason had done everything to make it up for it. He knew Tim had long forgiven him but Jason had to forgive himself.

"I choose who deserves me," Tim said and Jason smiled.

"Yeah. So… do I?"

Tim shrugged. "Jury’s still out." Jason’s smile dropped. "I’m kidding! Of course. Jay, you know I love you."

 _I love you._ The last and first time Tim had said that was three years ago when Jason almost killed him. Jason took Tim’s hand and placed a kiss in it.

"I love you too," Jason said.

"I know."

"I’ve never stopped actually," Jason confessed and Tim seemed surprised.

"Okay, that I _didn’t_ know."

"I didn’t exactly show it," Jason tried to joke. Tim reached out his arms and Jason took it as a sign to pull him on his lap. "Can I kiss you?"

Tim nodded slowly. He leaned down and let his lips hover over Jason’s, letting him be the one to close the gap. And Jason did. He kissed Tim softly and slowly. This should’ve been their first kiss— not whatever that was a year ago.

"I love you," Jason said again. He hadn’t felt so sure of it in a long time. He had known he loved Tim but allowing himself to do so was another thing. Tim smiled as he cupped Jason’s face.

"Yeah, you do. And I’m not letting you go again," Tim said.

"Don’t worry, I’m done with running away." Jason kissed Tim for a second time. They weren’t perfect and it had taken them years to get to this point but it all turned out all right in the end. Way better than just 'all right'.

 

 


End file.
